THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

We often naively think:

"Once I meet the right person—everything will be easy."

"Once I'm in a relationship—I'll finally be happy."

But what if that person never comes along? Or what if they do, but 5–10 years later you go your separate ways? Does that mean there will be no happiness?

No.

Because there's only one person who can make us happy—ourselves.

Why do we place so much faith in another person?

We project our hopes, unfulfilled desires, and childhood dreams of unconditional love onto our partner. And we expect them to "fill" us with happiness.

But research in neuroscience shows that a person's happiness level is 50% determined by genetic predisposition, 40% by our own actions and mindset, and only 10% by external circumstances.

This means that most of our happiness lies within our sphere of responsibility. No one can "make" us happy if we don't know how to be in touch with ourselves.

A scientific perspective: what happiness really is

Researchers at Harvard, in one of the longest experiments in the history of psychology, discovered that the strongest influence on feelings of happiness and long-term health isn't money or status—it's the quality of close relationships.

At the same time, scientific data debunks the main myth about loneliness. Research shows you can be married, have the formal status of "not being alone," yet feel deeply isolated and unhappy if the relationship is filled with chronic conflict and tension.

Project director Robert Waldinger emphasizes: living at the epicenter of constant conflict and toxicity is destructive to health. Scientific data shows that staying in a chronically unhappy marriage is far more harmful to the body and stress levels than deciding to divorce.

Conversely: you can live alone but maintain a high quality of life if you have deep, trusting connections with friends, loved ones, or kindred spirits—and, just as importantly, a reliable foundation within yourself.

The main conclusion of science comes down to a simple fact: it's not about having a marriage certificate, but about the quality of connection. And that means, for happiness, it's important to choose yourself and what truly resonates with you—letting go in time of what destroys.

What if I'm alone?

There's an unspoken fear in society:

"If I'm alone—it means I'm not good enough."

"If I don't have a partner—I haven't succeeded."

But this is just a social construct, not truth. Many great minds, writers, philosophers, and scientists were alone for most of their lives. And that didn't stop them from being happy, profound, and fulfilled.

Moreover, research shows that people who know how to enjoy solitude and feel complete in it often create healthier relationships when they do come into their lives. Because they're not seeking "salvation" in another—they enter relationships from a place of wholeness.

Happiness is my responsibility

Another person can be by your side. Can inspire. Support. Warm.

But they cannot make us happy. They can only reflect what's already inside us—or what we're missing.

Psychology calls this an external locus of control—when we give our power away to another. And an internal locus of control—when we reclaim responsibility for our state.

True happiness begins with coming back to yourself.

Where is it, this happiness?

Happiness—it's not in someone else. It's within us and in the ability to catch moments.

• In a pink sunrise.

• In morning birdsong.

• In a child's genuine smile.

• In lines of a book, read at just the right moment.

• In a warm reunion with old friends.

• In the profound thoughts of great writers.

• On a rainy evening when you don't have to rush anywhere.

• In a dream realized.

• In the starry sky overhead.

This list is endless… Each person creates their own 📝

What do you do if there's no one by your side yet, or your paths have diverged?

Life is multifaceted: some people leave, some we part from ourselves, and some simply haven't been met yet.

But it's important to remember the main thing: we are born whole. No one can take away our happiness, because it doesn't depend on having a partner. People may leave, but you will always remain with yourself—with your capacity to feel, create, and fill this world with warmth.

We are the creators of our own lives. We, and only we, choose: to be in pursuit of someone else—or to be in flow with ourselves.

Happiness isn't waiting behind a door. It's already here. In this day. In this breath. In this moment.

Sometimes we're just too busy searching to notice it.

Don't look for someone who will make you happy. Become someone you feel good being with.

And the rest—if it's meant to be—will come.

But even if it doesn't, your life won't be empty.

Because you already have yourself. And that's enough.

Dedicated to those searching for happiness—and who never stop believing that it's already near✨

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Ingrid 🕊