Bonjour
Article · 5 min read ·
Letter
Hello. No one has tried to get to know me for a long time, so I decided to write a letter — a story about myself. If you are a mean person, it’s better not to read further: I want to communicate with normal, bright people.
I write this because there is too much hate on the internet. Sometimes I catch myself mentally 'mocking' people — when I see something boring, I think: 'Who even needs you?' But in reality, I critically lack attention, communication, and friendship. I understand this. That’s why I write — as if I were getting to know someone in the future.
Hi. My name is Anastasia Sprang (Timofeeva). I was born in 2000 in St. Petersburg. My parents loved me very much, I had a happy childhood.
I traveled a lot with my family, and now I also travel, just not in Russia. I did fine in school, though I hated the school itself — especially waking up in the mornings. I still can’t do it. Only now no one shouts at me for it. Thank God.
University... I studied poorly. I just didn’t have the strength for it. Time seemed to slip away. When the pandemic started, universities closed, and I was expelled — for not passing exams and not attending online classes. (I had technical issues, but no one cared.) I don’t regret it. My health turned out to be more important.
I was in a critically poor situation. There was no support from my parents — after 18, I was 'thrown out of the nest' into another 'empty nest.' We are not from a poor family, but there was no money for me: I have two younger sisters. I don’t blame anyone. I love everyone and wish them well — both my girls and my parents. Now they are going through a difficult time, unlike me.
Winters in St. Petersburg are too cold to attend university. And I love to study. I absorb information easily, I’m naturally smart. At two years old, I was already reciting poems by heart. My mom was proud of me. And now, I sometimes speak in rhyme, make up cute little songs.
In the 11th grade, I took advanced math — I scored 27 points. Funny) I dreamed of entering an architectural university, but I didn’t pass due to lack of money and points. I saw the passing score — and immediately realized: 'No, this isn’t for me.' So, I entered an economics program, focusing on fashion and business.
Now I’m starting my career in this field, though without a degree. I have a business! I work with a French hair accessory brand. I have a lot of work, I know how to do it, and it seems like there will be enough of it for my whole life. I’m happy and feel useful — hooray!
I express my creative side there. But I don’t like interacting with people — it’s not my thing. If I need something, I go and do it. If something is required from me, I do it. I take responsibility for my decisions and intentions. Because inside, I have everything clear. But if it’s something unimportant — I prefer silence and even inactivity. That’s why my business is 'asleep' right now — there are no clients. But it doesn’t scare me.
I have a husband!
I love men. They’re interesting. I almost never communicate with girls. In school, I had friends, it was fun, cool. But I haven’t been friends with girls for about seven years now. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them — I adore my beautiful sisters. As for other girls, they’re just strangers to me. I’m fine with that: I used to be too open, too close. Thanks to all my former friends. I hope everything goes well for them. Just, please, don’t remember me. I plan to work. I’ll see you in ten years somewhere in London.
And now... I’m lonely. I critically lack female presence — voices, laughter, light support (not necessarily), jokes, manicures, charm... I’m very strict in choosing a friend. I might seem like a grouch or a bore because I don’t know how to lie to make people like me. If I don’t like something, I don’t hide it. But my perception of beauty is developed, thanks to my mom!
Actually, I’m very friendly. I try not to hurt anyone. In my thoughts, yes — I can think what I think. And, honestly, I often mentally criticize overweight women and 'country girls.' Though I would never allow myself to hurt someone undeservedly. Especially women. Women — no. That’s sacred.
So, this is the letter. I’m a bit tired. I could tell you more about my wonderful family, but I think this platform isn’t for such revelations. And… I don’t feel like it yet.
Right now, I live in France. I love St. Petersburg, but I don’t have a home there. So, I live in my husband’s house here, in France. I’ll tell you more about life here in the next letter.
I really like this app because I can write notes with the display of days and signs, it’s interesting to observe. For the first time, I felt my 'cyclicity.' Before, I didn’t care, I didn’t romanticize my period and didn’t track the days because it was always different. Still, by the age of 25, everything has settled. Now I can use the calendar and understand which phase of the cycle I’m in. I realized this just this month when I started using this app, I didn’t even know what ovulation was. Apparently, I didn’t need this information before.
I liked that there are physical exercises for each phase of the cycle here, and it’s interesting to see what principles they use to make these lessons. I love sports, but not yoga. Yes, it’s beautiful, cool, trendy, useful. But I’m an Orthodox baptized virgin, and yoga to me is heresy. Sometimes I like to physically perform exercises like choreography. I like the idea of tracking my period, planning the future considering these days, planning trips to feel good on the plane. The last time I fainted in the bathroom, and I had diarrhea, it was scary. I’m already afraid of what will happen to me in August. I plan to drink plenty of water the day before!
Thank you for your attention. Wishing you goodness and strength!
