Reflections on Forgiveness

This is my first article, and I hope you enjoy reading it!

Today, I want to talk a little bit about forgiveness. Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on forgiveness, and I want to share my thoughts with you.

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Forgiveness is something that we have all grown up to live with. Early on in our childhood years, we have been in plenty of situations where we had to forgive a friend for stealing our toys or accidentally hurting us. As we grow older, however, forgiveness seems to become a more and more difficult act, not because we have forgotten how to forgive but because what we need to forgive has grown to such a large scale. The hurt that we have felt became deeper and more complex, and as a result, we would rather avoid forgiving, as it felt so much more painful than the hurt that was inflicted upon us.

But, I'm not here to tell you that the forgiving process is something that is easy to do, heals you immediately making you ready to embark on your next journey. No. Forgiveness is something that is a big part of your healing journey and after reading this, you will understand that it is quite the opposite of a one fits all solution.

When thinking about forgiveness, the focus immediately moves onto external factors: People or situations that have caused hurt, disappointment, and anger. These are all aspects that you as an individual do not have any control over. What you do have control over is yourself. However, before being able to deeply let go and forgive, the focus should not be on everything else around you but ON you. I want you to focus on forgiving yourself. This article is about you. This article is for you. So let's get started.

Already in my academic studies, I had a class in which we needed to have countless discussions with each other on forgiveness. Almost always the discussion would end with one side arguing that forgiveness is considered a behaviour, something that we actively choose to do. The other group would argue that it isn't an act, that it is rather a feeling, an emotion that we at times feel like we can or cannot control. The important aspect here is that the difference in our understanding is due to all of our values and all of our principles being so uniquely different from each other. A beautiful yet difficult thing to deal with.

What we do know deeply is that forgiveness, be it an act or emotion, comes from within you. Often times, we are so focused on connecting the act of forgiving with external things that we forget that there is one individual who we should give more attention than we actively do. And this person is you. We are so obsessed over the fact that forgiveness is something that we can only do towards other people, towards other situations, that we forget about ourselves.

How many times have you talked to you in such a bad way, hurting you unlike any other person ever did, and you just accepted it like that? How many times have you tried to achieve something (no matter how big or small of a goal) and you ended up not meeting that goal, and as a result, you told yourself how big of a failure you are rather than allowing yourself to show love and forgive yourself? You just took over those words, accepting them and letting them become a part of you instead of showing up for yourself. This is not how you should treat yourself or accept this behaviour towards yourself, no matter if you are the person inflicting these thoughts upon you.

You have to allow yourself to forgive yourself for failing sometimes. Forgive yourself for feeling certain things. Forgive yourself for all that that has caused hurt. It is not an easy feat, and neither is it an easy journey. A big part of healing and showing love to yourself is to be able to forgive, forgive all that is, and let go. I am 100% convinced that letting go is deeply connected with forgiveness. Therefore, it is even more important for you to show love, forgiveness, and understanding towards all trauma, pain, and difficulties that you have experienced.

Meditation for Forgiveness

To practice forgiveness, I invite you to find a quiet spot, seat yourself, and tune in with yourself. Feel free to place your hands over your heart or one hand over the heart and the other on your lower abdomen. Ask yourself the following question:

When was the last time I forgave myself?

Go through the emotions, go through the scenarios that come up in your mind. It is okay if nothing comes up at first, maybe all that you experience is a specific feeling. Maybe a specific situation comes to your mind. There is no right or wrong way to this. Allow yourself to feel everything that comes up. It is important to hold yourself in this moment while you speak either out loud or in your mind these affirmations:

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself.

Feel the emotions, and do not panic when you feel like a lot of emotions come up at once. Allow yourself, hold yourself, and breathe through the waves of sensations. Breathe deeply into the feeling of showing yourself empathy, love, and understanding.

Allow yourself to forgive and let go. Letting go all those moments where you did not show up for yourself and forgave yourself, but now you let go. You let go of all of these moments because you have forgiven yourself.

If your hands are placed on your heart (and lower abdomen), imagine and feel a clear, light energy flowing through your body. Feel how your hands radiate this light, loving, and calm energy throughout your body. Let it wash over you, and with it, let go of all that is. Whenever you feel ready, give yourself a hug, lower your head, and slowly blink your eyes open.

Forgiveness is still something that I am actively working on myself and I noticed that in order to forgive others, I need to be able to feel and allow myself to forgive myself first. It is how I show myself understanding, care, and love. It all starts with you. And all you need for this is just yourself. Healing is something that takes a while and it is not an easy process.

But you have all you need and all that is within you. Trust and forgive.

Sending your warm hugs,

Mel