Freyja: The Goddess Who Chooses First

In the myths, half of those who die in battle go to Freyja’s realm, Fólkvangr (“field of the people” or “army field”), and half go to Odin’s Valhalla. But here’s what matters: Freyja makes her selection first. Odin, the Allfather himself, the king of the gods, gets what remains after she’s chosen.

Think about that. The most powerful god in the Norse pantheon waits his turn.

Because Freyja’s sovereignty is absolute.

She doesn’t negotiate her right to choose. She doesn’t justify her selections. She doesn’t explain why she wants who she wants. She sees, she decides, she claims. The system doesn’t ask her permission to go first; she simply does.

This is where most of us have been taught wrong. We’ve learned to wait our turn. To let others choose first. To take what’s left after everyone else has had their pick. We’ve been conditioned to believe that claiming what we want first is selfish, aggressive, inappropriate.

We’ve been taught that choosing for ourselves, especially choosing first, requires justification, explanation, permission from someone else.

Freyja says: absolutely not.

• Where do you wait for permission to choose?
• Where do you take the leftovers instead of claiming what you actually want?
• Where have you been taught that going first, speaking first, choosing first, claiming first makes you selfish or aggressive or “too much”?

This is the work. Not the pretty, love-and-light “you deserve good things” spiritual bypassing. This is the hard truth: you’ve been trained to wait. You’ve been conditioned to defer. You’ve learned to make yourself smaller so others can feel bigger.

And every time you wait when you could have chosen first, you reinforce the belief that your desires matter less than someone else’s comfort with you having them.

Freyja doesn’t ask if Odin minds that she chooses first. She doesn’t check if it’s okay with the other gods. She doesn’t apologize for wanting what she wants or for claiming it before anyone else gets a chance.

She knows her sovereignty is not up for debate.

Start small. Start where it feels manageable. Because this teaching isn’t about performative aggression or proving something; it’s about reclaiming your right to choose for yourself without requiring external validation.

• In conversation: Speak first. Don’t wait for permission to share your idea, your opinion, your experience. Stop qualifying everything with “I might be wrong, but…” or “This is probably stupid, but…” State what you think. Let it stand.
• In decisions: Choose what you want before considering what everyone else wants. Not instead of considering them, before. Know your own desire first. Make your choice clear. Then, if needed, negotiate from there. But start from your own sovereignty, not from trying to guess what will make others comfortable.
• In opportunities: Stop waiting to be invited. Stop waiting to be selected. Stop waiting for someone to give you permission. If you want it, if you’re qualified, if it calls to you, go first. Apply. Reach out. Claim it. Let them tell you no if that’s their answer, but don’t pre-reject yourself by waiting for an invitation that may never come.
• In relationships: State your needs first. Not your partner’s needs, not what you think they want to hear, not what you’ve been taught you “should” need. Say what you actually need, what you actually want, what actually matters to you. Choose yourself first. See what remains after that choice. Build from there.

This is not about being cruel. This is not about ignoring others’ needs. This is about knowing that your needs, your desires, your sovereignty matter just as much as anyone else’s, and that you don’t need permission to claim them.

This ritual helps you practice choosing first in a contained, intentional way. You’ll need:

• A quiet space
• Paper and pen
• A candle (optional)

Step 1: Create the list

Write down 5-10 things you want right now. Not things you “should” want. Not things that would make you a better person. Things you actually want, big or small, practical or wild. Don’t filter. Don’t justify. Just list them.

Step 2: Choose first

Look at your list. Circle the one thing you want most. Not the most reasonable thing. Not the thing that would benefit others. The thing YOU want first, before considering anyone else’s needs or opinions.

This is your Freyja choice, the one you claim before anyone else gets to weigh in.

Step 3: Witness the resistance

Notice what comes up when you name your first choice. The justifications. The guilt. The voice that says “but what about…” or “I should really…” Write down every reason your mind gives you for why you shouldn’t choose this first.

This is your conditioning speaking. This is what’s been trained into you.

Step 4: Claim it anyway

Say out loud: “I choose [your selection] first. I claim this before considering anyone else’s preferences. My sovereignty is not negotiable.”

If you’re using a candle, light it now as you speak these words. Let the flame represent your sovereign choice burning clear.

Step 5: Take one action

Within the next 24 hours, take one concrete action toward the thing you chose first. It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be real. Send the email. Make the call. Do the research. Take the first step.

Choose first. Then act on that choice.

Freyja doesn’t wait for the battle to end to decide which warriors she might want. She doesn’t defer to Odin’s preferences. She doesn’t check the rules to see if going first is allowed.

She chooses first because she is sovereign.

You are too.

Where will you choose first today? Where will you claim what you want before considering what others might prefer? Where will you stop waiting for permission and simply take your turn, take the first turn, because your sovereignty is not negotiable?

The work is not in justifying your right to choose first. The work is in recognizing that you never needed justification in the first place.

Choose first. See what changes.